The body I don’t have, muscles that don’t grow quick enough, belly fat that just never seems to go away. Why do I have to eat 10 x healthier than ‘naturally’ skinny Sandra in accounting, to look half as good as her? Why didn’t I get that lucky?
I look at myself several times a week and HATE what I see. Yuck!
Conscious, low-self esteem and jealousy all go through my mind on the daily.
You’ll rarely hear me tell you these things. No one likes to look weak.
Sure, we’ll complain to our loved ones on occasion, but deep down no one will understand how overwhelming it can get sometimes.
Laughing, smiling and confident. This is also who I am most of the time.
I look at myself several times a day and LOVE what I see and acknowledge how happy I am on the inside. I know I put in the hard work, and I can see it paying off.
But it wasn’t always this way.
My thoughts are like a roller coaster that I get to ride every moment of the day. The ride never stops, it only picks up extra people along the way who also get to influence the perception I should have of myself.
A while ago, I found the control panel. I always knew it existed, but never knew where to look or if I had the key to access it.
It was really hard to find at the start and I didn’t want anyone to catch me in the act.
I started to get sneaky by checking a few tickets. If they had qualities that I admired, encouraged or made me feel good about myself, they jumped on. I told them to sit at the front with me because it’s way more fun.
Negative, abusive, hidden agendas or if they just didn’t care about how their actions made me feel. NO ENTRY.
The ride had started to get pretty fun by this stage, even though I knew their were a few ‘moles’ still hiding in the back seats. They were watching me have a wow of time, but in reality it was getting harder to hear their snide remarks and whispers over our squeals and laughing at the front! All I could really see were their fake smiles when I turned around to second guess my thoughts.
I know it’s taken me a long time to find my control panel, it may be hard for you aswell. It’s normal. Heck, I don’t even know how to use all the buttons yet, but I’ll get there one day.
There’s no doubt my ride will always have scary and exciting moments, so I owe it to myself to choose who gets on and who doesn’t get past the turnstiles. I DESERVE IT and so do YOU.
Be brave and start checking some of those tickets.
We’ve all sat behind a mug while we listen to ‘Sandra’ brag about herself for the entire time. She doesn’t care about you so next time your ride slows down, kick her off!
Be brave and stop replying to those toxic texts or calls, and say no to that coffee date that is going to drain the hell out of you.
Initially you’ll hurt their feelings and you’ll probably feel pretty horrible about it too, but they’ll eventually stop trying and you’ll be left feeling on top of the world.
Start reserving the good seats for the ones who expose the dimples in your smile and turn your laugh into a cackle.